My Queer Shidduch

May 28, 2008 at 5:00 am 4 comments

I am excited to be heading off to the East Coast Nehirim retreat on Friday. It’s hard to believe it was just a year ago that I stood at the last retreat, surrounded by a small group of frum lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Jews as they offered me a bracha for a shidduch. This was a turning point in my journey towards becoming more religious. That weekend in Connecticut helped me see that there were possibilities, that I didn’t have to choose between being who I am (a woman who loves women) and pursuing G-d, Torah and Jewish community. At a retreat that consisted largely of LGBT Jews who took less halachically oriented approaches to Judaism than I do, a group of attendees who were interested in halacha came together and formed deep connections that have turned into friendships over the last year. The bond that is formed when people come together who are committed to loving and accepting ourselves as queer Jews while pursuing Torah and yiddishkeit is a powerful one. Many of us don’t get to connect with others who are like us outside of such retreats, or perhaps the internet. The isolation can be torturous and crazy-making. I felt tears rushing into my eyes at the end of the weekend when these new friends offered me prayers that I should meet someone who I could build a healthy, happy relationship with. I had believed that if expecting to meet a Jewish woman was asking a lot, even daring to hope to meet a frum Jewish woman who shared my love for Judaism was unrealistic and impossible. I was expecting too much, I thought. My experiences with online dating only furthered this impression, as I found most lesbian women to be very intimidated by, or hurt by, religion. So imagine my surprise when not much more than a month after I received this bracha, a woman came into my life who I couldn’t have dreamed up. An Orthodox, kind, beautiful woman who has since become my partner. Baruch Hashem, this year I get to bring her to the retreat where I first began to integrate the disparate parts of my life. It is the closing of a beautifully full circle. I am truly blessed.

Posted by queerbasyisroel.


Entry filed under: Building Queer Jewish Community, Dating & Relationships, Personal Stories, Uncategorized.

Why this blog? Think of the Children [A Guest Post by Rochel]

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Rebbetzyn  |  September 7, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    I am a “Masculine” Woman.
    I am Frum I am learned and I am
    straight. I am looking for a “Feminine” Man for a real relationship.
    I am writing because I think that
    someone reading this might know of a Orthodox Jewish”Feminine”
    Man who is having the same issues as myself in being misunderstood.
    Maybe my equal and opposite does not exist but if he does and you can help me find him you get a groisse mitzvah.
    under 6 foot and Chasidish a plus

  • 2. queeryeshivameidel  |  September 7, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    I wish you hatzlacha in finding your bashert, as well as in finding others to connect with who can understand and support you. We are not a dating site- nor do we have a personals section- but I thought you might find the following resources helpful:
    For queer community:
    There is a group working with Nehirim and Nujls to create a shabbaton for people who are transgender/gender non-conforming in the midwest. You can contact them at for more information.

    Dating resources: a frum internet dating site frum internet dating site with a shadchan A jewish (but not frum specific) dating site that is queer friendly

    Best of luck!

  • 3. C Fried  |  October 3, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    I am literally amazed at how many Yidden are uninformed regarding the fact that Lesbianism is an issur D’oraissa .You cannot honestly believe that only Men are accountable for their actions .I can email anyone who is interested a well researched responsa on the topic.
    G’mar Chasimah Toivah

  • 4. queeryeshivameidel  |  October 6, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    There is actually a disagreement about that among poskim, with most poskim agreeing that it is an issur d’rabannan. But perhaps more importantly, it might be important for each of us to look at one another as whole people and to understand the complexity of each decision we make. As we near Yom Kippur, let us each judge one another “l’kaf zchut”.


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About Tirtzah

We are a community of frum queer women who gather to celebrate and study our yiddishkeit. We are committed to the value of shleimut (wholeness) and to supporting one another in observing a meaningful, integrated, honest and joyful Jewish life.


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